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How AdWords Could Have Gotten Me a Date in 1978

This one time, in 1978, I tried to get a date for the 8th grade Valentine’s Day dance at my junior high school. Acting like the marketer I would become, I first selected my target market of girls I was interested in, based mainly on their demonstrated ability to spend 20 minutes in my company without getting grossed out or offended.

Having narrowed my market, I next chose my medium. Face to face was out of the question, as the only way to get one of those girls alone would have been to shove her in a janitor’s closet. So the medium would be the telephone.

One night, about two weeks before the dance, I purloined the corded phone in my parents’ bedroom, locked myself in my room with a phonebook, and prepared for my first foray into outbound telemarketing.

It wasn’t going to be pretty. I was cursed with limited sales experience and a rather dubious product: three hours with me in a school cafeteria doing the Bump and the Hustle to what we knew even then was some of the worst music ever created. Not to mention the obligatory slow dances.

So I knew I would have to practice. Luckily, I had expanded my prospect list to include several dozen girls who barely knew I existed and, therefore, could be counted on not to have any predisposition to say no to my suggestion of a date.

I found the phone number of the first one and tried to dial. As my shaking finger punched the last digit, I realized with a shudder that I had forgotten the name of the girl I was calling. A man’s voice answered, “Hello?”

“Urggly,” I said.

“Hello?” he repeated. I began to panic. I had to do something.

“Um, hi, is there an 8th grade girl at this location?” I stammered through the asthma I had just mysteriously acquired.

“Who is this?” the voice demanded, in a somewhat hostile tone, I thought.

As I hung up, I remember feeling distinctly grateful that Caller ID would not be invented for another decade or so.

I obviously needed a plan. So I wrote a script, complete with openings crafted for any eventuality: phone answered by prospect, by prospect’s parent, by prospect’s sibling, by answering machine, by random burglar, etc.

I practiced that script in the mirror for several hours. Then I returned to the phone and started dialing. This time, I took note of the name of my prospect — Ilene, a girl who went to my Hebrew school and was, therefore, morally obliged to pretend to tolerate me, at least when her parents were watching.

I dialed six digits and then hung up before I could consummate the call, certain that my opening line of, “Hello, is Ilene there?” was going to be a total bomb. I crossed it out and wrote, “Hi, may I speak with Ilene please?”

But that seemed too formal. “Hi, is Ilene there?” seemed to convey the right tone, but I didn’t approve of the cadence. And so on…

Long story, short (well, not so short, but not as long as it could have been), I didn’t make a single call. I procrastinated by drinking water, doing my social studies essay three days early, brushing my teeth several times, and even gargling once. I think I might have actually practiced my violin at one point. Finally, exhausted and ashamed, I returned the phone to my parents’ room, caught the 11:00 p.m. rerun of M*A*S*H, and went to bed.

This brings me — in a rather roundabout way — to what I want to talk about today: testing and tracking, a key strategy for marketing success.

You see, no matter what your online conversion rate, the success of your telephone close, or the effectiveness of your newspaper advertising, if you aren’t routinely testing different approaches and measuring results, you are leaving the lion’s share of business on the table.

Mail-order companies have known about testing and tracking for almost a hundred years. But it was a well-kept secret, largely because it was a tremendously difficult endeavor. If you wanted to test two different headlines in a newspaper ad, you had to figure out a way to get half of the papers to show one headline and the other half to show the second headline. Major logistical nightmare. And then you needed a way to determine which customer saw which ad. Also not easy. And then you had to keep track of the results by using a paper spreadsheet or ancient punch-card-eating mainframe.

In the old days, testing was for the big boys only. And those who did it accumulated unbeatable advantages over their competitors. Their major task was to beat their “control,” to discover a new approach that was even better than their current best one.

For example, here are two headlines for a correspondence course in English grammar:

1. The Man Who Simplified English
2. Do You Make These Mistakes in English?

Headline #1 was a failure, while Headline #2 was a smash hit. Interesting, huh? (This example, and the one that follows, is from John Caples’s book Tested Advertising Methods, 4th Edition.)

How about this pair, for a hair-growth tonic?

1. 60 Days Ago They Called Me “Baldy”
2. If I Can’t Grow Hair for You in 30 Days You Get This Check

Which one did better, #1 or #2? Before you answer, consider that both headlines were considered strong enough to run by some of the smartest, most experienced, highest paid advertising copywriters in the world. (Keep reading for the answer.)

If those copywriters couldn’t tell for sure which one would be best, then how can you or I expect to find the perfect headline, offer, photo, story, price, guarantee, proof, testimonial, etc. to sell our goods and services? There’s no way, unless… unless… unless we can find a way to run our own tests and figure out the results. And for those of us who do our marketing online, that’s not a problem.

Enter (trumpets blaring) Google AdWords. With AdWords, you can test in minutes or days what used to take months. You can figure out for dimes what used to cost tens of thousands of dollars. You can test ads, landing pages, order forms, e-mail sequences — everything about your online sales process. And it’s easier than calling Ilene on the phone and asking for a date (in my experience).

That awkward segue brings me back to my Valentine’s Day Dance Sales Failure. I failed not because I called 45 girls and they all told me to get lost. No. I failed because I didn’t call any of them. I was prepared with several approaches, and it’s certainly possible that at least one of them would have worked. But because I didn’t try anything, I didn’t learn anything. So when the 9th grade talent show/social rolled around the following year, I was no better equipped to get a date than I had been the year before.

The point is, if you’re just serving one Web page to all your visitors, you’re not learning. You’re not improving. And if you’re standing still online, you’re falling back.

So… which one of those headlines for the hair-growth tonic do you think did better? Turns out that Headline #1 (60 Days Ago They Called Me “Baldy”) did much better than Headline #2 (If I Can’t Grow Hair for You in 30 Days You Get This Check).

In the old days, a lot of time and money had to be spent to get the answer. But nowadays, give me a Google account and , and I can give you a headline that can double your sales almost instantly.

[Read the rest of this entry...]

What the Ethical Culture Society Can Teach You About Internet Marketing

There are two kinds of customers you must pay special attention to: (1) the excellent customer, and (2) the extremely unhappy customer.

The excellent customer is someone who can’t stop buying your products, has been easy to service, and raves about you to everyone he knows. Only now he’s asking for something a bit out of the ordinary — and has created a special situation that must be handled. Since satisfied customers are your most important asset, you want to go to extremes to keep them happy.

One of my excellent customers, for instance, wanted a substitute for the free report I was offering with one of my e-books — something we don’t give away. But he had bought tons from us, so I happily gave it to him. He was so happy, he immediately bought yet another product.

The other type of customer you want to handle personally and with great care is the extremely unhappy customer. Reason: Unhappy customers tell other people that they’re unhappy with you. The more unhappy they become, the more people they complain to — and the louder they say it.

In the good old days, an unhappy customer complained to maybe 5 or 10 other people. But with social networking, they can tell thousands about you with a few keystrokes and mouse clicks.

I had a problem with a product I bought online, but could get no satisfaction from the seller. He refused to even take my call. So I wrote about it on my blog. Within 24 hours, the seller called, apologized profusely, immediately fixed the problem, and begged me to remove the post from.

Despite this newfound power that consumers enjoy online, many Internet businesses treat their customers poorly. I hear complaints about it all the time. People tell me they bought a product online, but when they called about returning it, the seller became downright opprobrious. Or they tell me about Internet marketers who flat out refuse, on the flimsiest of excuses, to honor their money-back guarantees.

And Internet marketers can be so darn inaccessible!

I mean, if you have a problem with your phone, you can call the phone company and eventually get to a real person, right? But when you want to complain to an Internet marketer, more often than not there is no mailing address or phone number.

And when you send them an e-mail, you get a response from a robot — an auto-responder — not a live human being. The e-mail tells you how busy the marketer is. Sometimes it promises a return call from a person… which usually never comes.

I have heard of Internet marketers who blow their stacks at customers who aren’t very computer literate and have trouble opening and reading an e-book or downloading and listening to a podcast. Those customers may frustrate you and try your patience, but think about how frustrated they must feel. They just bought great information from you, and now they can’t access it.

Is this how you’re treating some or all of YOUR customers? If so, something I heard at a recent meeting of the Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County can serve as your new customer service policy. One of the speakers pointed out that a precept of the organization is: “Every person deserves to be treated fairly and kindly.”

This is great advice, especially if you are an Internet marketer.

“But,” you may argue, “I can’t personally respond to every complaint. That’s why I have an auto-responder or an assistant.”

First of all, assuming your products are a good value, you’re not getting all that many complaints. Second of all, you probably could respond to all of them, if you wanted to.

SL, a major catalog marketer, writes a personal note of apology — and sends it along with a small gift — whenever his company has an unhappy customer. If SL can do it, you and I can do it too.

But let’s say you can personally respond to only a fraction of the complaints you get. What should you do?

I hired a part-time assistant to handle all complaints and special requests. She does her job with sensitivity and common sense. However, I see all the complaints first, and I pick certain ones to handle personally. These are from the two types of customers I mentioned at the beginning of this essay — the extremely unhappy ones and the valuable repeat customers.

Every person deserves to be treated fairly and kindly. Are you treating every customer and prospect fairly? Do you do it angrily or kindly?

One more thing: Add an unadvertised grace period to your money-back guarantee.

If, for example, you have a 90-day money-back guarantee and a customer returns your product on day 92, you give him his money back anyway. Why? Because you want to treat him fairly and kindly… just like you’d want to be treated.

And if you treat your customers fairly and kindly, they will deal with you in the same way.

[Ed. Note: Providing great customer service should be a priority in your Internet business. But there is plenty of other stuff to learn and take care of... search engine optimization, copywriting, landing pages, e-mail list building, social media... you'll learn it all in Bob's Internet Cash Generator program. Find out more about it here.

Bob Bly is a freelance copywriter and the author of more than 70 books. To subscribe to his free e-zine, The Direct Response Letter, and claim your free gift worth 6, click here now: www.bly.com/reports.]

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Business in Booms and Busts

A Question for Michael Masterson: “Are you approaching business any differently in today’s economic climate? Baby boomers never experienced a severe depression or hyperinflation –therefore, I think their worldview of business is skewed.”

D.M.
Plano, TX

Michael’s Answer: Yes, D.M., I am approaching business differently these days.

I am working harder than I’ve worked in several years. And I’m expecting everyone who works with me to do the same.

I’ve been through downturns before. And I’ve survived by putting my head down and moving forward. That’s what I’m recommending to my employees and my clients. Stop your unprofitable activities. Get rid of marginal products and people. Get mean and lean — and keep doing what you do best.

For me, that means focusing on small businesses in certain information-publishing industries. I like natural health and anything related to baby boomers. That has worked well for me for the past 30 years, and I expect it will work well for another 20.

I believe The Great Recession is still going strong. Lots of businesses will go bankrupt in the next several years. Millions of workers will lose their jobs. The U.S. will struggle and fall. It will no longer be the world’s best economy. But we will survive. And those who make the right moves now will become very rich.

I am investing carefully in real estate. I intend to buy one or two dozen rental houses in the next year or two. When the prices of these properties get back to where they should be, I’ll have made millions. In the meantime, they will generate tens of thousands of dollars of income for me — above and beyond my expenses.

I am buying precious metals, too. But I’m spreading my bets around, because I expect that gold might correct itself a few times before it returns to new highs in a year or so.

I’m also investing in a select group of high-quality, dividend-paying stocks. But there again, I’m expecting a significant market correction. And I continue to invest in bonds. They are riskier than they were before, so I’m being cautious.

Generally, I see the next few years as a buying opportunity for all sorts of investments. I’m bullish on smart investing, even though I think the economy is in serious trouble.


“Excellent content.”

“I think you should raise the price of the Michael Masterson Journal to better reflect the value of its content and to allow for the purchase of an easier-to-read font!
 
“Excellent content, though. No doubt trust keeps a lot of people, rich and poor, from doing better.”
 
Robert Schwarztrauber

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Retired dentist Rusty McDougal turned ,300 into 7,460. With returns like that, had he invested a little more… He could have claimed enough cash to buy a gorgeous vacation home… Or easily put FOUR kids through college. How did he do it?


List Price Doesn’t Matter

One of the mistakes many new real estate investors make is thinking they got a good deal just because they managed to purchase a property for less than list price.

Don’t confuse list price with property value. In many cases, list price is just the wish price of the seller or some lofty value a realtor gave the property in order to convince the sellers to list with them in the first place.

You’ll get a better indicator of value by answering the following questions:

1. What is the cash flow from the property?

2. What are other properties in the area worth? (Look at properties that are comparable in overall size, number of bedrooms and bathrooms, as well as lot size.)

3. And, finally, what would it cost to build that property right now?

In residential real estate, the best indicator of value is typically based on comparable properties in the area — what they SOLD for, not what they are listed at. But you should also consider cash flow and replacement cost.

List price shouldn’t factor into your calculations. Neither should the property’s assessed value. Neither of those numbers will consistently be a true reflection of what a property is worth. Do your own analysis. Then you can be certain you’re getting a good deal… whether you are buying a property for less than list price or not.

Progress, No Matter What

I make it a point to follow up with everyone who asks me a question about setting up an Internet business. It takes me just a few seconds, and it usually motivates them to take action.

Usually. But not always. After my most recent follow-up e-mail to "Bob," for example, I received this response…

"Hi David, 

"Sorry, we’ve been having challenges with infrastructure here in paradise. Internet is more off than on. Our landline was just fixed this week. It has been down since June 22. There was a major fire at the power plant 2 weeks ago. And to add to the festivities, I was assaulted by a crackhead who, I am told, was turned into a zombie by some Haitian voodoo curse. (I couldn’t make this stuff up.) I am about to leave for Albuquerque to visit my son and grandchildren. I haven’t seen them since my son’s commissioning with the Air Force 8 years ago. I am anxious to get going with my website. But, as you can see, there have been a few distractions."

The last time I followed up with Bob, he had a few other "distractions" that were preventing him from starting his Web business (though none as interesting as being attacked by a voodoo-cursed crackhead).

What I can’t seem to get Bob to recognize is that achieving success in your Internet business (or anything else) is not a place you suddenly arrive at. It’s part of a process. And it’s formed by a habit. A habit of doing something to progress toward your goal every day, no matter what. I am not saying that the "challenges" of day-to-day life won’t throw you off-kilter. But in the time it took Bob to write and explain why he hadn’t yet made a start, he could have made a start.

Just Do It!

Now is the time to start anything — not necessarily a brand-new business. It could be starting something new with an Internet business you’re already operating. Maybe advertising on Facebook… using video on your website… or sending a follow-up e-mail series to your subscribers.

For the online entrepreneur, now is always the time to make improvements. To do more of something that’s working; to stop doing something that’s not.

But when you have a long list of things you want to try… how do you know what to focus on first?

The answer to that is easy. Focus on the one that will generate the most results that most closely match the core purpose of your business or your stated conversion goal.

Let’s say your primary purpose is to build an e-mail list and market to that list. In that case, what would give you the best return on your investment of time and money? Should you do paid search advertising? Write more articles? Build a new shopping cart? Or test landing pages?

In my experience, you should begin with a combination of paid search advertising and writing articles designed to drive organic ("free") search engine traffic to a simple landing page. On the landing page, you offer a free report on your chosen topic. People who are interested in your topic sign up. You deliver the report. You then e-mail them ongoing information — and offers — related to that same topic.

You could get all of this set up with one day of focused effort. You could start right now by spending just one hour to open your Google AdWords account and create a single ad.

You say you can’t find even one extra hour to work on your Internet business? What about some of the time you spend idly surfing the Web? Or watching television? According to a recent Veronis Suhler Stevenson’s Communications Industry Forecast and Report, the average American spends 1,745 hours watching television in a typical year. That works out to 145 hours a month — more than six full days in front of the TV every month, or slightly less than five hours a day.

You cannot alter the fact that there are only 24 hours in a day, but you can change the way you use them. So figure out how to use some of those hours to make progress on your Internet business goals. Do it now. There’s no excuse not to.

[Ed Note: It may seem like the obvious way to build your Internet business is to work on it every day, even if it's just a little bit. But that's something many wannabe online entrepreneurs fail to do as "life" keeps getting in the way. There is help -- in the form of a friendly push from the Early to Rise team.

At ETR's 5 Days in July Conference, you'll learn how to "make" time in your day and quickly build a profitable online venture. Come to this conference with nothing -- no website and no products -- and you'll leave with a fully operational Internet business. To be one of the first to be notified -- and get first crack at the lowest price -- go here.]

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Are You Truly Happy?

Life is short. And there is no time like RIGHT NOW to pursue your dreams. But is self-doubt stopping you? Are negative thoughts holding you back? Dr. Srikumar Rao has taught thousands to break through those barriers. Learn what his lifelong study of human potential can help you achieve…


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